Faced with a situation that causes us suffering, we can choose to forgive or let ourselves be carried away by resentment. Both paths have consequences, it is up to us to face each other. Which one do you decide?
Much has been said about the character of the Joker, due to the latest film by Todd Phillips. The film shows us the life of Arthur Fleck, who had to deal with great difficulties:
- Family members: grow up with the absence of a father and the presence of a mother who felt she did not protect him, but believed in him
- Social: the teasing of those who considered him "a nobody's gift."
- Personal: fight for your big dream, be funny, that never came true.
Around these circumstances, little by little, the Joker was built: an injured person influenced by everything he lived to undermine his mental health.
It is true, we are all immersed in a family and social context that influences us, but that does not always have to condition us to live in a certain way. On some occasions, we are free to decide.
Next, we offer a possible psychological interpretation of the Joker's character, from which we will explain certain mechanisms and strategies that many people carry out in an attempt to protect themselves from suffering and what ways we can choose to heal ourselves. Let's go deeper.
How do we tell our lives?
In this sense, it is the most cognitive psychological theories that hold that we are in language, that is, we are what we say and tell each other.
«I am not a victim of reality but of how I tell myself».
The constructivist approach maintains the idea that the human being is not only a result of its context but that its internal dispositions also count. In this way, the person performs a reconstruction of reality based on the interaction of both factors.
Thus, the constructivist model points out that we tend to build reality according to our own personal budgets. In this way, the person who observes is the one who decides how to signify the reality he meets. Therefore, following this approach, it is not reality that makes us suffer, but the meanings that we decided to grant it.
«Patients go to therapy because the reality that they themselves have built is unfeasible. Therefore, all varieties of therapy are based on the modification of these constructs ».-Salvador Minuchin-
From this perspective, we can say that the character of the Joker was building through different internal attributions the belief that reality surpassed him and could not do anything to change it.
A phenomenon that the psychologist Martin Seligman called learned helplessness: that condition in which a situation is still responding in the same way, while the person convinces himself that he has done everything possible and does what he does You cannot change the circumstances that cause you difficulty.
When we don't connect with our emotional world
Together with all those attributions and constructions on himself, the character of the Joker also took its toll on his emotional side; for a long time, he mishandled his emotions and feelings, unable to elaborate or share them.
One of the possible interpretations of Joker's behavior is that in order to alleviate his emotional suffering, he used his defense mechanism perfectly: that laugh - laughter that did not come to mind and that distanced him from experiencing the emotions and feelings that generated discomfort. In this way, they were trapped inside, which resulted in a disconnection of himself and others, because his feelings of bitterness and frustration projected them into those who he said had hurt him.
Now, at what time did the disconnection begin? When was he defeated and introduced into this process of victimization as a result of his injuries?
According to the victimization mechanism, every victim seeks a guilty party. Was that what the Joker intended?
However, despite being a fictional character, it is not far from some real characters that have existed throughout history or from those that we can also find in our day to day. Who says we can't fall into that victimhood because of mistakes and life traps?
The way of forgiveness
It is necessary to know the stories and biographies of the people who suffer. Only then can we understand them. Hence, empathy is one of the fundamental tools for our relationships.
However, it is also advisable to help them make a personal elaboration of their circumstances in which they do not play the role of victims, but rather the ability to take charge of their own lives.
There are stories of other people who, in similar conditions and after a process of personal elaboration, chose a more favorable option for their mental health: forgiveness.
Among them, we can highlight the experience of Tim Guenard, one of the parents of resilience, who in his book Stronger than Hate, tells us about the simplicity and sincerity of his story: a life marked by pain, abuse, and violence
However, the opportunity to elaborate his story and heal his wounds earned him to change his gaze towards his past and live far from anger and resentment.
Today, Tim Guenard goes to where he is called to narrate his experience and demonstrate to the world that " man is free to alter his destiny ." In addition, it also does a great job providing accommodation and support to the needy.
«Forgiveness can save your life. I have never found anything as effective as forgiveness to heal deep wounds. Forgiveness is a powerful medicine »-Robert Enrihgt-
It is true that an injured heart has a hard time forgiving and loving again, in fact opting for forgiveness does not happen overnight, even though it starts from a decision. Its elaboration is a process and, as such, it can become an attitude towards life. However, it is also true that on that path it is necessary for someone to show that there is that opportunity to get up and regain confidence in oneself and others.
Tim Guenard said it in one of his interviews: « In real life when you hear people who have risen after living difficult situations, you realize that nobody gets up alone. I myself have had people on my way: the homeless man who taught me to read, Pope Gaby (his adoptive father of state social services), the good judge and Father Thomas. All are as gifts. The most beautiful gift in life is the people that one has wanted and wants, and it takes a lifetime to meet them ».
As we see, we are not determined by what happens to us and by what we live. It is we who decide how to tell us and process it inside.
We cannot change reality, but we have the vision we have of it. It is up to us to decide on what to choose in life; either for resentment or forgiveness, but not forgetting that the choice is ours and knowing that the heart is made to love. Thus, giving us an opportunity to restore it is a challenge that leads us to live in peace.
*** Editorial Note: The interpretation of the Joker character in this article has been taken only as an example to explain the resilience and forgiveness that we can adopt from the perspective of the author of the article.
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